• Home




• Get Help >

  • Hire Penny Today
  • Coaching Center
  • Bulletin Board
  • SYMC Girls' Night Out
  • Email Inter- mediary Services
  • Mentor Services



• Get
  Informed >

  • Infidelity Center
  • Statistics
  • Research
  • Success Stories
  • Articles
  • Musings
  • Blogs
  • Links and Resources
  • Q/A
  • Infidelity Tips
  • Media Kit



• Get
  Educated >

  • School of Coaching
  • Infidelity Series
  • Email Intermediary Training
  • Moderator Training
  • Mentor Training
  • Bookstore
  • SYMC Speakers' Bureau



• Get Active >

  • Calendar of Events
  • Marriage Fidelity Day
  • School of Coaching
  • SYMC Chapters
  • Volunteer



• Get Stuff >

  • Bookstore
  • Affiliates
  • SYMC Stuff
  • Shopping Cart



• About SYMC >

  • Company History
  • Penny's Bio
  • Board of Advisors' Bios
  • Additional Bios
  • Contact Us
  • Press & Media



• Expand the Village - Tell a Friend




• Glossary




• Site Map




• Search




• Privacy Policy

Please help me, my husband says that he does not love me and has been saying for about a month that he is leaving but never seems to. He has been intimate and made time for us, I am very confused, I don’t want him to leave but I have been giving and giving and he does not seem to be responding. There is also a female friend at his work that since she has been in the picture I have noticed his withdrawal from me. We have two small children and he believes that he can take care of them while I work and then sleep somewhere else. I am just looking for some help.
E

Hi E,
It is almost certain from what you say that your husband is involved in at least an emotional affair, if not a physical relationship with this other woman. One of the most common signs that a spouse is attracted to and probably involved with someone else is the statement, "I don't love you anymore," or another variation of that, "I still love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you."

Also it is typical that your acts of giving will not seem to have much effect on the partner who is straying. Once they become involved with someone else, it seems their capacity to notice the changes you make becomes less and less.

The program that I recommend, and that I work with people to walk them through... so to speak... is pretty straightforward, but it takes a lot of emotional discipline and courage. It works much of the time, but it goes against what our emotions tell us to do.

First, I would suggest that you do a little digging. If he's not sleeping at home, where is he sleeping? Do you have access to his cell phone records? Who is he calling? Where is he spending his money? Who is he spending his time with when he is not with you and the children?

Some other things that would be helpful for me to know: What were/are his complaints about you and the marriage? How long have you been married? What are the ages of your children?

Am I right in thinking you work opposite shifts? This is one of the most dangerous practices in marriage. Couples need to have at least 15 hours a week together, alone if they are to keep their marriages alive and healthy. In our society that's difficult to do with all the pressure to keep up with the neighbors, or even just to get by. Often times we make the mistake of working opposite each other in order to increase our incomes. The problem with that is that it almost always is at the expense of the marriage. Checking into changing that condition, even if it means earning less, would be a good place to start.

Let me know the answers to the questions I asked, and I can help you with the next step. In the meantime, continue to be as pleasant, courteous, and respectful as you can. Keep in mind that if we want someone to be with us, then we need to make it a pleasant experience for them.

Best to you,
Penny