• Home




• Get Help >

  • Hire Penny Today
  • Coaching Center
  • Bulletin Board
  • SYMC Girls' Night Out
  • Email Inter- mediary Services
  • Mentor Services



• Get
  Informed >

  • Infidelity Center
  • Statistics
  • Research
  • Success Stories
  • Articles
  • Musings
  • Blogs
  • Links and Resources
  • Q/A
  • Infidelity Tips
  • Media Kit



• Get
  Educated >

  • School of Coaching
  • Infidelity Series
  • Email Intermediary Training
  • Moderator Training
  • Mentor Training
  • Bookstore
  • SYMC Speakers' Bureau



• Get Active >

  • Calendar of Events
  • Marriage Fidelity Day
  • School of Coaching
  • SYMC Chapters
  • Volunteer



• Get Stuff >

  • Bookstore
  • Affiliates
  • SYMC Stuff
  • Shopping Cart



• About SYMC >

  • Company History
  • Penny's Bio
  • Board of Advisors' Bios
  • Additional Bios
  • Contact Us
  • Press & Media



• Expand the Village - Tell a Friend




• Glossary




• Site Map




• Search




• Privacy Policy

April 2003

In this issue:
Creative and Destructive Elements of Pain
How’s your attractiveness quotient? – Get Fit with SYMC!
Marriage Fidelity Day
Volunteer Profile
Volunteer Opportunities
Volunteer Newsletter
Discussion Forum - Live and Lively!!
SYMC Girls’ Night Out
R&D Team Update
Upcoming Events – Smart Marriages Conference July 2004

It Takes a Village to Save a Marriage

© February 2004 Penny R. Tupy Founder and Coach ~ Save Your Marriage Central
Founding Member Coachville, International Assoc. of Coaches, Coachville R&D Team, IAC R&D Team, Volunteer Mentor Coach Marriage Builders Inc. Weekend Followup Program, eWomenNetwork

Spread the word!! Please forward this to all your married or soon to be married friends and family. It’s never too late (or too soon!) to create the marriage of your dreams.

Excerpts of this newsletter are permitted for use in other publications as long as the following information is included: © Penny R. Tupy Save Your Marriage Central eZine – visit us on the web at www.symcinc.com

Greetings !!
I hope spring has come to your corner of the world and that you are looking forward to a peaceful and relaxing summer. If you are the parent of a child graduating from high school my thoughts are with you as you race against the final countdown. The leaves are just beginning to explode out of the trees here in Western Wisconsin and I’ve discovered that a pair of binoculars trained on the trees across the road can be a wonderful distraction from work.

The feature article this month is about pain. Emotional pain from past events that lingers long after the event itself is relegated to the pages of history. How do we handle traumatic memories and are there constructive reasons for revisiting old hurts? Be sure to check it out.

Our volunteer of the month is Angela C – one of the ‘Mod Squad’ who moderate on the SYMC Village Gathering bulletin board and our Lending Library Librarian.

Included are updates on the School of Coaching, news about the Marriage Fidelity Day drive / 2004, and info on other classes and events within SYMC. Also included is the first issue of our volunteer newsletter Gathering Voices – take a peek at the inside chit chat of SYMC and consider becoming part of the Village.

All the best,
Penny

A women’s telegroup to connect with and share ideas, thoughts, insights on any number of topics. This group meets twice a month on the second and fourth Thursdays at 8:30 pm ET. Each meeting has a prearranged topic which is chosen by the group members. Members may, but are not required, obligated, or pressured to lead a discussion. Meetings are facilitated and attended by Penny and SYMC School of Coaching students. The next meeting is Thursday May 13. We’d love to have YOU join us. Interested? To register or just to get more info email me at info@lifeworks-coaching.net

Marriage Fidelity Day

Although infidelity affects a huge proportion of marriages in the US most people still hold the idea of a monogamous relationship as the goal.

VISION OF THE VILLAGE

This is an excerpt of the class notes I sent out following our Teleclass Join the Village All Call For Volunteers – If you are so moved to join us in this vision email Sharon, our Volunteer Coordinator at volunteer@symcinc.com we’d love to have you!

My Vision:
To create a network, a Village, across the globe that will advocate for and sustain marriages in crisis and in the process of healing. To change the face of how marriages are healed.

Every member of this Village is as valuable and necessary as the other. The person who offers to help transition a child from school to daycare one time is every bit as integral a part of the Village as the person standing in the forefront holding the sword and crying in the wilderness. Every great movement needs leaders and those in the spotlight, but without the quiet movers and workers in the background the leader is nothing more than entertainment. Without the leader the quiet workers have no direction. All are needed and every one is as vitally essential as the other. Your gifts, talents and skills are needed, welcomed and appreciated whether you are itching to make waves and take the lead or would prefer to stay in the background and provide moral support.

What can you do?

Immediate and definite formal opportunities
We need you!!

• Email Intermediaries
• Moderators
• Volunteer Coordinator
• PR Opportunities
• Your suggestions – what are you good at, what would you like to do?

Brainstorming ways to reach out:
Be sure to check out our new bulletin board to see how we are coordinating this!

• Vehicles
• Carpentry, mechanical, clerical, career or other skills
• Grant research and writing
• Not for Profit status – research and initiate
• Cash to non-profit to assist spouses who are financially abandoned and in immediate need of help. Until then – cash donation to individuals you know – if you don’t know any, call me, I do.
• Temp housing for those who need to separate due to abuse or addiction including infidelity
• Child care
• Advocacy – Speak up reach out!!!

Project Speak Up Reach Out!!

• When someone is having an affair
• When seeing infidelity glamorized in the media
• When you know someone’s marriage is in trouble. Offer resources.
• Take a stand against divorce and the myth that says kids and adults adjust and do fine afterwards.
• Tell others (everyone!) about SYMC and the Village – encourage them to join the vision.

We can’t do this alone. But every time someone lights a candle that shines hope and advocacy into the darkness we grow the Village. We reach out hands and hearts to others who are in need and we offer the resources to heal marriages and family. Each person who lights that candle extends the circle of hope until we will eventually light the globe. I can’t do this, but you can. My hope is to inspire you with the courage and the inspiration to Join the Village in whatever way calls to your heart.

SYMC can be the focus, the place couples come to in crisis, but only with a Village can we offer them what they really need. My vision is that someday I will know someone in every corner of the planet who can be there for someone in crisis. Whether that be in the tiny town of Prescott or somewhere in Africa (geography not my strong suit).

Books are a great resource and I intend to write many. But people who are hurting, confused and alone want and need the personal touch that only another human being can give. With that, they need shelter and refuge and very real help. It’s time to rock the boat of our own comfort zones and examine our commitment to marriage and family. Is it deep enough and strong enough to take real and perhaps scary action?

This is a quote from something I wrote to one of my Advisors when we were discussing the roles of mentors and coaches, I will leave you with that now.

“No one changes the world or makes an impact by isolating themselves behind socially acceptable apathy and fear of risk….. saving lives or marriages or communities is not about using the correct “procedure” ….. it’s about really truly putting your essesnce into what you do. It’s about love in the greatest sense of the word.”

Other Resources:

eNewsletters:
Oct 2002/ Honesty
Nov 2002 / Time
Dec 2002 / Compatibility
Jan 2003 / Romance
Mar 2003 / Infidelity Part I Discovery and Dynamics
Apr 2003 / Infidelity Part II Exposing, Confronting, Separating
May 2003 / Infidelity Part III Recovery
Sep 2003 / Conversation
Oct 2003 / Internal Shift
Jan 2004 / Volunteer
Feb 2004 / Infidelity Overview

Infidelity Resources:
www.symcinc.com
www.dearpeggy.com
www.marrriagebuilders.com
www.shirleyglass.com
www.sexhelp.com (Sexual addiction information)

Not Just Friends Shirley Glass 2003
Surviving An Affair Willard F. Harley Jr. PhD 1998 Revel
In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Online Compulsive Sexual Behavior Patrick Carnes et al Hazelden

If you would like one on one assistance in implementing these concepts into your marriage call me at 1.877.416.2657

Check out the Coaching Center

Be sure to visit www.symcinc.com for archived copies of the eNewsletter. Changes and additions to the site taking place as you read this!!!

Infidelity affects an estimated 80% of marriages in the US?

That statistic comes from Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth, in 1989. I suspect that given the passage of time, those numbers are even higher today.

What that means in terms of day to day life, if you are at a gathering with 10 other couples, 8 of those will be struggling with infidelity in their marriage.

Most marriages do not end in divorce because of an affair. Rather they end in divorce when the conditions which led to the affair in the first place are not addressed.

If you are dealing with infidelity in your marriage, or if you suspect that your partner may be having an affair, I can help you find your way back to a healthy marriage. Call me at 1.877.416.2657

Free follow up phone coaching session with paid initial consult

© Penny R. Tupy, Marriage and Relationship Coach
April 2003

Your feedback always welcome and encouraged!!! Thanks for reading. PRT